Today I sit in so much GRATITUDE. Soaking up the goodness of God. The past 6 months have been so completely life changing for me. As 2018 was coming to an end, I was praying for God to show me my “WORD” for the upcoming year. This is something that I have been doing for awhile ,and it is so cool to see how God speaks. Some years it has been hard words . JOY.. man that is such a tough one because it is learning how to have JOY during your mountaintop moments, and also JOY in the valley moments. The year of JOY for me was 2016. That will be another blog post on another day. OK FOCUS Gena, Back to 2019.. Ok.. OKAY.. OKURRR so I was in much prayer about my word for the year, and it kept coming to me in a PHRASE.. Everywhere I went, every sermon, every podcast the phrase “The Lord will direct your steps” was mentioned. So I was feeling pretty confident that the Lord was telling me that this was pretty important.
January 9th 2019 …I am out and about doing some errands , really just some shopping lol.. Anywho I am on the phone with my man and making dinner plans. I hang up my cell. As I’m leaving the store to get in my car, I missed the curb . It felt like my life went in slow motion. I knew that I was falling but I could not stop it. I tried to catch myself but alas my head and face hit the pavement . My arms went numb and the world was spinning. I was “Out of it” for just a few seconds. I was woozy, my face was on fire, my hands, both arms and knees were suddenly on fire and throbbing, I sat up and was just in shock that I had fell. The only one in the parking lot was a sweet elderly lady with her oxygen tank. She asked me if I was Ok and did I need ambulance. I finally sat up and was in so much shock trying to understand what happened. I had blood running down my face and hands. I didn’t think I needed an ambulance and felt like I could drive myself to the ER ( hindsight I had noooooooo business driving myself). I get in my car and sit there for a moment. The pain in my arms is so intense, and at this point I think I may have broken both my arms. I call my husband and tell him what has happened and to meet me at the ER. Bless him he was so confused and so scared because we had just been talking.
The 5 minute drive to the ER was excruciating. I was screaming the entire time and just couldn’t believe that this had happened. All the thoughts running through my head weren’t pretty .How did I miss the curb? How could I have been so careless? What am I going to do if both my arms are broke. I just remember praying so hard for the pain to be relieved and for me not to have done some bad damage to my body. Finally I arrived at the ER. My arms were starting to swell and I couldn’t even apply enough pressure to get my seatbelt unfastened. Luckily the ER had a valet attendant who helped me get out of the car and parked it for me. I didn’t have to wait very long to be seen . I’m sure my crying and moaning had something to do with it . The doctor assessed me in triage and started ordering xrays . Due to blacking out for a few moments and the big knot on the side of my head , He ordered a CT Scan to make sure no brain bleed . My xrays came back fine, although I wasn’t convinced my arms weren’t broken. They put my right arm in a splint as my elbow was swollen and I couldn’t get it in a comfortable position. We waited for awhile and finally a nurse practitioner came in. He said “your CT scan is back , no brain bleed but you do have a tumor. You need to follow up with a neurosurgeon.” I was like can you repeat that?! Y’all I was not expecting that at all . The hubby and I left shocked and scared. What had just happened?!
You know how things happen at just the most inconvenient time?! Well ….When this happened my parents were out of the country on a cruise . My husband was leaving town the next day for a wheelchair basketball tournament. My brother was also going out of town . My son was still living 3 hours away . I was home alone, scared and I was in so much pain. I couldn’t put any pressure on my hands ( if you’ve ever had shin splints, multiply it by a million and that’s how my arms were). I could barely feed myself as my elbows were so swollen that I couldn’t bend them. During this time I just had to rely on God to get me through . Satan was wreaking havoc on my mind and I was going through every worse case scenario. I had to capture each thought . Then I remembered my word/phrase for the year, and I laughed so hard. Yes GOD, you did direct my steps, right off the curb. Had I not fallen I would not have known about this brain tumor. Oh the stories I have heard of “accidents” that reveled something way bigger. Ya’ll I was so blessed that my women’s ministry team came and brought me food, they prayed for me and loved me so well. It is so wild looking back that 1 year ago I did not know these ladies and now they have become my best friends. Side note.. If you do not have a tribe of prayer warriors , PLEASE get connected with your local church.. My life has been so blessed by being connected.. ( another blog post about why that took me so long!)
I had a few obstacles but finally was scheduled for an MRI and appointment with my neurosurgeon Dr Tim Burson. I had seen him years ago for my lower back issue, but apparently you get kicked out of the system if you haven’t been seen in 3 years... AND my insurance company did not want to approve the MRI .Since I just had a CT scan. The doc had to request and get approved for the MRI ( which gives a better view and diagnosis for brain tumors). I went by myself and had my MRI. After I was finished I really was wishing that I would have taken the hubby or my mom. The MRI just emotionally drained me. The following day we met with Dr Burson. By this time I had already spent so much time researching Menigioma Brain Tumors . I knew all the good, bad and ugly but I wanted to hear from the expert! The location of my tumor sits right in the middle of my brain, so it affects both hemispheres. The official diagnosis was a parafalcine meningioma . He said that due to location and size that he would put me on the “Wait and Watch “ protocol. He felt that doing a biopsy would cause more problems and that 99% of these tumors are benign and slow growing. We felt comfortable with waiting.
But ya’ll know the waiting season is HARD. We all want instant gratification . So waiting 6 months to see what this tumor is going to do was challenging. I will tell you that this has changed my perspective so much. Things that used to worry and stress me out I simply just think they aren’t worth it. We are here for just a short time and life is fragile.I know that I am truly blessed. I could have easily gotten a very different diagnosis. My friend Katie has been going through a hard battle with brain cancer, chemo/radiation and several brain surgeries. So anytime I would start getting upset or my mind would be come anxious I would just think how truly blessed I am .
Fast Forward 6 months , and honestly it went by so much faster than you can imagine. I was scheduled for MRI and followup with Dr Burson on the same day. I wish that I would have videoed the look on the doctors face! He came in was like, your tumor hasn't grown… and with the biggest smile says …The report said “ what was PREVIOUSLY thought to be a meningioma now may SIMPLY BE a dural calcification”. He said basically you got a rock in your head and it should not grow or cause any issues. To be on the “safe side” we are going to repeat the MRI in one year… YA’LL the ONLY ANSWER to a changed diagnosis is ONLY GOD. I LOVE his sweetness and goodness for ME! And friends YOU can have it too! Just ask him in your heart to be Lord of your life, and develop an intimate relationship with him. I have seen plenty of miracles in nursing and in my life, this one was so amazing. Thinking back to my phrase for the year. He will direct your steps. You just have to let him. I am not saying that your going to fall off a curb, but TRUST there is always something bigger going on. God has a plan for my life and for yours. I want to spend mine telling everyone of HIS goodness, and that HE is STILL in the Miracle working business!