Oh friends. This is a hard one to share. One that I never imagined I'd have to write . You've heard me joke a hundred times , contrary to social media post , our life isn't always rainbows and unicorns! It sure is close , but we do have "stuff " that happens . Hard stuff happens to us all . The messy part of life that none of us get through the Earthly life without .
So here goes ... the messiness of life that we are coming out of . What I call the #blindside. I am still having a hard time comprehending how our family could go from the "highest of high" , to the "lowest of low" in just a few months time .
Every since my son was a baby , probably even before he was born, I prayed . I prayed that he would come to know Jesus Christ as his own personal Lord and Savior ( checked off the list when he was 9 years old! Thank you to my bestie Donna for being his Vacation Bible School teacher and leading him to accept Jesus in his heart ❤️). And I also prayed, for his future wife ! That she would Love the Lord, and would love Dillon with all her heart.
He met and fell in love and dated Amanda for over 4 years . From high school sweet hearts, to proms to college life , and many many trips in between. Our family grew to love her and accept her as one of our own. For me , it was like the daughter I never had , and even more so she spent a lot of time with us . Which meant we got to spend more time with our son ! It was like a win win! My hubby on the other hand had a gut feeling that something was off. I would tell him to be quiet and would move on. He's been through a lot more hard knocks in life and has a little more "gut instinct/discernment " than I do. I trust everyone and really only want to look at their best! Lord knows I've got enough junk of my own.
Well the longer the relationship went on , the more talk of marriage increased . Billy and I were married at 20, and my parents at 18. We knew they were young , but we also knew that although we had some rough patches , it was really nice to grow up together and be married to your best friend . So we did not object and were happy for them.
They married in July in Mexico in a symbolic ceremony! It was absolutely gorgeous and we were thrilled. When we got back to the US they were to have a small civil ceremony at our house with family and friends . That is when in my heart I knew something was not right . She had this strained look the whole ceremony . Something was off in my soul. I kept asking my husband all through it what was going on, what did he think, etc. I think my mom radar finely sensed that maybe she didn't love him like I thought . I was sick and prayed that I was wrong .
The next week they were to return to their apartment at college , and she was taking a night shift weekend option job at this hospital. I told her that it's really hard working night shift , and being away all weekend , not sleeping in the same bed , are really hard on a marriage . ( Personal experience! I worked nightsthe first and half after Dillon was born , and it was difficult and a strain on the marriage ).
Ok .. So here comes the #blindside 😬
Election night , Dillon text that he needs to talk. I KNEW in my heart before I talked to him on the phone it was going to be bad. He had found out that she had started seeing a guy that she worked with. My momma heart was shattered. How could she do this ? I loved her like a daughter and even more hurtful how could she break his heart. I will never understand it. I do KNOW that my God, works ALL things for his glory.
I am thankful that if it were going to happen it was early on. I am thankful that they did not have any babies. I am thankful for no debt, mortgages, cars and all the things that one acquires in a lengthy relationship. I am thankful that my son has been a ROCK through all of this. One thing for sure, my husband and I have messed up on a lot of things, but we did good raising Dillon . His character , his strength and his attitude our a great testimony for his walk with Christ . I am thankful that one day God will give him a wife that will love him for who is, who will not try to change him, but encourage him to be the best version of himself . I am thankful that one day I WILL have a daughter that I will LOVE With all of my heart , and most importantly one the will love my boy.
Life . It's going to hit you in one way or another. The questions that I ask myself. Are you going to let this make you bitter, OR make you BETTER! Weaker or Stronger? Victim or Victor? Some days are harder than others , but I know we are healing! We are moving ahead with our new normal . And as a friend recently shared with me , sometimes you have to have a crack, that's how the light gets in 😍
Smiling is my favorite